[Xmas in India]

Signed up to play in the western Xmas choir with my guitar (figured it was kinder on all ears than my singing). I am really enjoying it now, once I got past my nervousness. Never played in a group before, especially one so big- we have an organ, 2 trumpets, 6 guitars, 2 violinists, various percussions and a flute player plus a whole heap of people singing behind us :-).

We started practice on the 15th, which has been demanding, with 3 sessions per day totaling 5 hours. I especially enjoy it when just the musicians get together for 1 hour in the morning. There is something about the energy of live music that touches me and forces a smile on my face.

The choir director has an interesting style...we sing a few songs and then she will entertain us with her stories in relation to God and Sai Baba. So in a way it's like a cabaret, except we are participating in it. ;-)

A few days later I 'stumbled' across an Indian (Vedic) astrology class which I now attend 2 times a week. I had the suspicion I had a feeling for the planets and this turns out to be rather true. I am interested to see how cosmic movements influence the earth and its inhabitants. Curiously the Vedic astrology is very precise on the star positions and take into account the earths tilting- which makes my character profile an Aries as opposed to a Taurus in the western astrology model.

On the personal front I can feel an energy is building up, and it feels rather over
whelming. Whether it hits me with a wham (like it did on my first visit here) or it brings in changes/insights in a gentle, slow way is the question. It feels positive in any case, and it's what I came for I guess.

So in all it's rather an intense festive season this year for me.
Have a good Christmas!

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[Back In India]

Tuesday the 5th was a long day. Slept about 2 hours before I had to get up for a taxi. Shael saw me off at the airport, and despite all the tears, fears and anger between us in the past, it was, gratefully, a respectful, honoring and a very loving emotional good bye.

After more than 20 hours on the road I finally reached Puttaparti (ashram town of Sai Baba), after routing through 5 airports (and they do all look the same) and including a 5.5 hour bus ride from Bangalore. I jumped on the first available bus, thinking (although by this time my thinking capabilities were rather limited) it couldn't take much longer than the 3 hour express bus. (wrong!) The upshot was India has just received rain so the country side tour was very pretty, but with only 1 toilet break I was sure glad to finally get off after such a long trip.

My first impressions of India were quite strong. I felt how rich it is, rich in life. Its very dynamic here and people, despite the extremes of poverty, really do live here. It has a life energy. Even the air smells sweeter, as funny as that sounds, it was even noticeable at the airport. I notice how more people as a percentage smile here too. India has something, a vibrancy, I can feel it.

I checked into the first simple hotel, knowing that my favorite apartment complex is full. After showering etc I went to the apartment complex, actually I am not sure why I did. By 'chance' the manager was arriving just as I did. He recognized me straight away and said he would give me an apartment that became free yesterday and was supposed to be booked by another lady. (Turns out previously she was not so nice to the manager) I felt so lucky and grateful!

So I left the hotel and on my first day in India I am sitting in a comfortable apartment, like the one I had before in 2004-05, with a balcony overlooking a garden. :-)

Maybe due to the emotional last weeks in Holland, or the sweet life air in India or the long travel plus jet lag, or maybe it is just the customary spiritual introduction to the ashram- I developed a cold on Thursday. What is India without a little cleansing I ask you..?

Its winter here but I am wearing shorts and t-shirts, sure beats the European winter! I just love the Indian food (all vegetarian) and being a tea drinker myself from way back the chai here just wins me over. I have also caught up with some friends and acquaintances here so its nice to come back to a warm house so to speak.

In Holland I couldn't believe I was leaving. It didn't feel real. In the plane over here I was a bit shocked to realize I would be in India soon. And now that I am here, it feels like a dream. I am walking in a dream. Strange. I don't know why I am here, but strangely and unexpectedly for me, I feel a deeper happiness here.

with warm hugs

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[Pic's of Holland]

Here are some of my favourite
pics of Holland

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[Creativity With A Conscience]

Another brilliant animation and message from the makers of 'The Meatrix', by Free Range Graphics. I met the graphic designer/director during the Vipassana retreat in Nepal 2004.
Click on below.

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[Moving On From Holland]

All I can say is that I need to leave Holland. It's been a good stay, and afterall, I only intended to stay 6 months at the max, which has actually turned into 19 months.

Australia doesn't feel right at this moment so I am off to my second home, to the ashram of Sai Baba. I will fly out of Holland on the 5th December 2006 with mixed feelings- looking forward to my new adventure but also saddened to leave key people behind. I only just begin to appreciate what sort of imprint I have made here. This time (unlike 2003) I won't be leaving anything behind, as I don't intend to come back to live here.

So it's India first and I can certainly feel Tibet via Nepal is calling too. I have a one way ticket so I am keeping myself open, as last time I intended to travel for 1 year and which turned into 2.5 years :-)

Some pics of my next destination. (Click on the pics to enlarge.)

Street in Puttparthy, the ashram town


Grounds of Ashram

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[Stirring Up the Hornets Nest]

I plucked up the courage and put my balls on the line,so to speak, by daring to speak out.

I wrote an article (click here) about an USA based spiritual teaching group, called the Crimson Circle (CC). I had been listening to their free monthly discourses now for over a year, but I was becoming uncomfortable about it. It is the same group with whom I did the DreamWalking workshop.

According to the CC they have some 120 000 people following them...and I went ahead and called them fake, and sent my article to as many people as I could (a mere 140).

Since then it was posted on the USA CC message forum (click here) and at the time of writing more than 185 replies have been posted and the thread has been visited some 9900 times. At the very least the article is being read!

Well it's been an interesting experience to speak out against such a popular group. I knew it would stir up a reaction and I would be criticized, and I wasn't disappointed :-)

Initially all the publicly posted messages were attacks or criticisms on me, blaming me for creating fear, or having issues with money etc. In general people who had doubts about the CC, or feel something is wrong or have already stopped listening to the CC have emailed me personally. Later on in time, more people started to break the silence and speak their own truth publicly.

It has been and is an interesting observation about human behavior, including my own. What interested me the most was the range of emotions. Some people felt they had to defend the CC, others got very angry or scared. I suspect some people were only defending their own beliefs, hoping what I wrote wasn't true. For if they were to have a real look at their own belief, what might they find...

I use to think it didn't matter what others thought of me. I still believe this in essence, but I did feel the pressure and the heaviness of the negative thoughtforms, energized with their emotions, which were directed at me. I begin to appreciate how we create energy with thoughtforms and especially how people in a group can energize it. An interesting lesson.

It took some courage and self-awareness not to take things personally, especially from people who I know are intelligent and intuitive. On the plus side I have recieved personal emails from people who said that my article helped them. After all, that was my true intention.

Most of the people who use to come to my workshops were connected to the CC. Did I bite the hand that feeds me..? :-) Lets see when I start my workshops again!

.

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[Following the Feeling- Utrecht, Holland]

When am I going back to Oz...?

Well my sub let contract ended in June and in a way I was hoping to go back to Australia then. I realised in a meditation how so very much I wanted to go back. I especially missed the nature and the feeling of freedom in Australia. It just seems/feels easier there...

I also understood from a higher perspective of (soul) self that I wasnt ready to go back. Being here in Holland is a bit like "a stranger in a strange land", and this will only quicken and strengthen the learning lessons it seems. Unfinished business here you could say. But dont ask me what..

Since then I have moved in with an acquaintance from a meditation group. A large house (in Utrecht) with a garden and a dedicated meditation room. Gone are the days I need to share a kitchen with 7 other young students! It feels comfortable here, I have the space and natural sunlight I desire and there is no fixed date I should leave. Given I also have a new toy I am sensing I could be here longer in this house than expected...

I am currently not running workshops this summer and I have also officially stopped with the Hospice. It was a very powerful experience but it doesnt feel appropiate to work in this area for now. Its time to choose for a more joyful expression too!

Keeping busy with raising my own self awareness; this month (August) I will do a 7 day fast, then attend another 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat and days later I will fly to England to attend a Pleiadians Teachings workshop.

And so it goes..

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[My New Toy- Holland]

Daan de Boorder, in my book, certainly has to be nominated as the best friend of all time. He bought himself a newer motorcycle and gave me his old (but working) one this June! (Not that I value my relationships based on gifts…but this is a bike :-)

(Click on pictures to enlarge)

The bike (a 1990 Honda VT 800cc chopper to be exact) is certainly a totally different style than what I have ever ridden before, such as my last Suzuki 900cc sports/tourer. Its something I wouldnt have bought for myself. But I am so glad to ride it now. Its so relaxed and cruisy and (to my mothers relief I am sure) I dont feel the need to scare myself in seeing how fast I can make my loins go. (And for the record I it was 255km/hr in Germany on me last bike..:-) On this bike I just sit back in the arm chair and cruise around. Enjoying the purr of a v-engine.


Holland can be very beautiful. It can be very green with quaint canals and villages towered by a church or a windmill with lovely twisty roads leading away along a dike. Added to the bonus is the fact that it has been a real summer this year!

Oh I have been enjoying my gift. There is a God..!

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[Travel with a Difference - Dreamwalking]

This could be a little strange..or not!

As I mentioned in my last posting, I am interested in working as a guide to help souls cross over when they die. Soooo, I have just attended a workshop in Zurich, to become a Dreamwalker.

So let me describe to you my first experience of guiding a soul to the other side, across the birdge... A dreamwalk.

I hadn't expected we actually do a real dreamwalk in this workshop... a dreamwalk takes from 1 day to several months...depending on the soul who is crossing over.

It started out like a guided group meditation. Someone would come to us, the facilitator said. I was looking for my dad, but didn't see him, and a lady from the Hospice popped in (she had just died) but to my surprise someone unknown appeared to me.

We melded energies. It was so strong and so familiar. I know this energy. The first thing he said to me was "I was with you." Yes I know, since I was a child. I have felt you before.

And he led me. He knew where he was going. He showed me the grandness of it all. The beautiful forms of energies. He led me, waved his arms around, like a tour guide. We walked together in the different realms. He was even ahead of the facilitator; things would happen before we were told they could happen. For example, I could feel his energy transforming, becoming lighter. Then the facilitator would say- 'see if you can feel your clients energy change'. He had already turned into a golden light.

We moved into the realms of creation. I could only feel here, it's beyond the mind. My client shot around here, loving the space. I am awestruck. I saw the birth of creation itself. I felt it. I felt a planet being formed. I felt an invention being created. I cannot describe the wonder of feeling this.

Then we transformed into another energy level, or moved through a portal, through a door way. I could just feel the energy changing. We had made it to the bridge, where the he crossed to 'home'. I have been here before, I know this place!

And then the shock. (as if it is not already strange enough :)

The facilitator asked us if we wanted to cross also. We have made it this far, we don't need to go back to earth. Our karma is finished. We won't even notice when our body dies. WHAT! I don't remember reading the course brochure; the bit about optional suicide is also included in the price!

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I had a real choice. I sat there, aware of my body and aware of being in another dimension. Expanded consciousness. I asked myself again, felt it. I missed home. It's not a new feeling, being homesick... And as I sat longer on this bridge, trying to decide, if this was real, real for me, I could feel my energies leaving my body. More energies were leaving my body as I waited to decide. It was a real choice. The power of a choice. I felt I wanted to come back. Simply to do it for myself. For nothing else than to do it for myself. Finally an answer to my old question of why am I here on earth?

So I came back. I felt myself fall slowly, like a falling leaf. Into myself.

The wonder of life, the glory of the walk.


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[Silent Night- Xmas 2005]

It was a very quiet Xmas for me this year. Indeed, no talking at all. I was in a 10 day Vipassana meditation retreat, finishing up on the 29th December. The same meditation as I had done in Nepal in 2004, which meant again no talking for the entire time, getting up at 4am...and meditate, meditate and meditate till bed time at 9:30pm. For 10 days. :-)

It was in short magical, painful and difficult. I saw and connected with many deeper truths about life and myself. In a way it would be so easy for me to live as a monk in this life, a part of me just loved it. However, I received a new direction in one of my meditating sessions- to work with dying people. And after I got over the shock of the idea, it made sense and felt right.

I would eventually like to help and guide people who have just left their body to cross over the 'void' to the next station. At the same time help the loved ones here on earth to communicate with the newly departed and visa versa, so that both parties can give each other peace and support in this natural process.

As first step I have started to do volunteer work in the Hospice in Utrecht. Quite a shock at first to see people in their last stages of life. Yet it is somehow beautiful. I can see how this will be the next big teachings for me.

My favourite thought on 'death'- Does a caterpillar die or is a butterfly born?

I have lived a sort of monk life in the last 6 months in Holland. I just didn't know how to live in a western society again. Now I am ready to expressive myself in a new way, in my way. Time to be active, meet people and enjoy... Walk the talk.

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[What's in a Name]

You know how things just happen in life, totally unplanned, such as bumping into a forgotten friend or losing your house keys...

And so it was.

I was in a 'spiritual' energy healing session last Wednesday and I was asked a number of times what is my name. By the 3rd time I said Jean-Paul it didn't feel right anymore. That name has dissolved. The energies have dissolved. I felt there was a new name.

Agtrium (pronounced Arrg-tree-Um) I asked for what it means and I recieved 'the fire of love'.

I haven't changed my name. It's not a rejection of this human bodys heritage or family. I have simply stepped into a new energy. Agtrium is this energy.

I belong to no one and I am part of everyone.

love Agtrium

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